A bit of humour

[amaroo]

All this talk about buns reminds me of what Confucius said about bakers and cream.

 

[serfty]

Confucius said about bakers and cream

I made the mistake of googling that .....

Gnuughhh ..

 

[serfty]

© Punpedia

 

[serfty]

© Punpedia

 

[Captain Halliday]

You know who you are...

 

[Bundy Bear]

Mid week

 

[Mike65]

Araprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected.

Some examples:

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

5 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.

8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency', notify: I put 'DOCTOR.'

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.

11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.

15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

17. I am not arguing with you, I am explaining why you are wrong.

18. Finally: I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

I've vowed to stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow...

 

[love_the_life]

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=2222817974618408

 

[NM]

I've vowed to stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow...

Procrastination ... a dish best served .... eventually ...

 

[Flashback]

A couple were in a busy shopping centre just before Christmas.
The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had much shopping to get, she gave him a call.
"Where are you?" she said, "You know we have a lot to do."
He replied "You remember the jewellers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up …
"Yes, I do remember that shop." she said.

"Well I am in the gun shop next door to that."

 

[cosi]

A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to a hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out.

Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.

He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."


To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in me veins now".

 

[Ikara]

DROUGHT RELIEF!
Bloody hell ………what next??

They're recalling all the hay that’s been distributed!

Apparently a farmer found a needle in a haystack!

Boom, boom!

 

[Flashback]

For my 40th birthday I received a parrot. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary.
Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude.
I tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything I could think of. Nothing worked.
I yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. I shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, I put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments.
I heard the bird squawk, kick and scream - then suddenly, there was quiet.
I was frightened that I might have hurt it and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavour at once to correct my behaviour. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.”

I was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued ....
“May I ask what did the chicken do?”

 

[Hvr]

Why did the fish cross the sea?



To get to the other tide.

 

[serfty]

Taken from Twitter:

This is your 1500ms latency in real life situations -

Ivo Mägi on Twitter

 

[futaris]

1500ms latency

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[cosi]

 

[cosi]

 

[cosi]