A bit of humour

[love_the_life]

With that it’s probably time to return to the Jokes!

Oops, sorry. will find a joke to post!

 

[love_the_life]

Here you go then, back on topic.


And something for the season

 

[JohnK]

With that it’s probably time to return to the Jokes!

We've never left.

Wife: I'm sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?

 

[Hvr]

A question for @JohnK , is it true you don't need to wear two jumpers on the golf course because you'll never get a hole in one?

 

[Hvr]

My favourite time of the day?


6.30, hands down.

 

[straitman]

Shouldn't that be socks?

P.S. I have had 3 holes in one and countless hole outs from the fairway/rough/sand which are just as difficult as a hole in one but don't count.

Is this a joke or an off topic comment?

 

[JohnK]

Is this a joke or an off topic comment?

Joke.

Q: Why did a golfer take an extra pair of socks?
A: Just in case he got a hole in one

 

[JohnK]

A fourball watched, intrigued, as a lone player played up short of the green they were on. As they teed off on the next they noticed him quickly chip on and putt out, before running up to their tee.

Sensing their bewilderment, he said, "Sorry, do you mind if I play through - I've just heard that my wife has had a terrible accident and may not make it!"

 

[admin]

Some of you have been discussing a matter which is subject to a suppression order.

These posts have been removed as there is potential risk by publishing material subject to the suppression order.

The poster, and potentially AFF, can face significant legal issues by publishing such material.

Please refrain from any further posting on this matter until the suppression order is lifted - February 2019, I believe.

(If you don't know what I'm referring to - thats fine, you can ignore. Its absolutely nothing to do with AFF or travel.)

 

[JohnK]

The voice from the clubhouse

It was a sunny Saturday morning, a little before 8:00am, I was on the first hole at Royal Beerwah Golf Club and beginning my pre-shot routine, when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:

"Would the gentleman on the women's tee back up to the men's tee please!"

I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee."

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the voice yelled, "Would the man on the women's tee back up to the men's tee, please?!?!"

I finally stopped, turned around, cupped my hands and shouted back: "Would the jerk with the microphone please keep quiet and let me play my second shot!"

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[straitman]

 

[straitman]

 

[juddles]

Forgive me if this has been posted before, or I have stuffed it up, but reading the golf jokes reminded me of one I liked. It went roughly:

One lazy Sunday two golfing friends set out to play a round. About halfway through, a funeral procession goes past the course. The first bloke suddenly stops playing, and solemnly stands there, in respectful silence, as the procession passes.

The other guy says to him: "Wow, I have known you for years, but never thought you were so religious."

The first guy replies: "She was a great wife for those past twenty years".

 

[daft009]

just got sent this yesterday.. made me chuckle..perfectly G rated if you're worried

 

[cosi]

 

[love_the_life]

Made me laugh

 

[Hvr]

It's beginning to look a bit like Christmas, so here are some cracker jokes.

Q What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

A Krisp Kringle.

Q What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple.

Q What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

A The elf-abet.


Q Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?

A Because he had a low "elf" esteem.

Q Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Elf-is Presley.

Q What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker.

Q What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas lunch?

A Twerky!


Let the groaning begin!

 

[straitman]

It's beginning to look a bit like Christmas, so here are some cracker jokes.

Q What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

A Krisp Kringle.

Q What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple.

Q What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

A The elf-abet.


Q Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?

A Because he had a low "elf" esteem.

Q Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Elf-is Presley.

Q What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker.

Q What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas lunch?

A Twerky!


Let the groaning begin!

Hvr is working hard toward being the first person to ever be banned from the humour thread.

 

[JessicaTam]

Q. What kind of jokes do podiatrists like?

A. Corny ones.