A bit of humour

[Flashback]

Q. Who is the coolest guy at the hospital?
A. The ultra sound guy

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[cosi]

Inner peace


I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now.

Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss.

An telum,u blody luvum.!! xx_

 

[codash1099]

 

[cosi]

Life in a retirement village!

On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules:

"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd and inquired: “How much for a season pass?”

 

[Bundy Bear]

Sounds like when you are young can happen to planes as well

 

[Hvr]

How to identify sea creatures:

When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee..


That's a Moray.

 

[JessicaTam]

How to identify sea creatures:

When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee..


That's a Moray.

If you eat it with sauce, tuna of course.

That's a mornay.

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[straitman]

At first guess I would say that it isn't going well.

 

[JessicaTam]

Rocking a cradle her game, Rebecca her name.

That's De Mornay.

 

[Flashback]

So I walked into the butchers and the butcher said "I bet you £10 that you can't reach those pieces of meat."
"I'm not betting", I said.
"Why not?", he asked.
"The steaks are too high!"

 

[Hvr]

After you die, what is the last part of your body to stop working?






Your pupils. They dilate.

 

[love_the_life]

I know this is political but you can substitute any name you wish depending on your side of politics.

 

[Hvr]

Puns make me numb; math puns make me number.

 

[Captain Halliday]

Puns make me numb; math puns make me number.

It’s so good that you’ve found the root of your problem @Hvr

 

[leadman]

Oh this seems to be so true; F & J seems too short, but Y just drags forever.

 

[leadman]

And of course a classic from Larson

 

[Captain Halliday]

When your emotional support animal is a dinosaur: CollegeHumor

 

[Ikara]

That's not a BBQ, this is a BBQ!!!!!