A bit of humour

[Alanslegal]

The hairdryer

Getting a hairdryer through customs...

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course child What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

 

[Alanslegal]

A koala was sitting in a gum tree.... smoking a joint... when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiite dude... How much water did you drink?'

 

[Alanslegal]

Just a prewarning, that:-

At 5 minutes, 6 seconds after 4am on July 8th this year. The time & date will be:-

04:05:06 07/08/09

This will never happen again.

 

[Flashback]

Uh oh ... !

 

[Alanslegal]

Bob and the blonde;-

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 958pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"



Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."



The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."



Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."


Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5pm news, and so I knew he would jump".



The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."



Bob took the money...

 

[NM]

This will never happen again.

until 8th July 2109

 

[JohnK]

Just a prewarning, that:-

At 5 minutes, 6 seconds after 4am on July 8th this year. The time & date will be:-

04:05:0607/08/09

This will never happen again.

Well not for another 100 years anyway.

Just a prewarning, that:-

On August 7th this year at 11 minutes, 12 seconds after 10am the date & time will be:-

07/08/0910:11:12

This will never happen again.

 

[NM]

Well not for another 100 years anyway.

Just a prewarning, that:-

On August 7th this year at 11 minutes, 12 seconds after 10am the date & time will be:-

07/08/0910:11:12

This will never happen again.

But the American's claim it happens first in the LOTFAP - on 8th July

 

[drron]

But the American's claim it happens first in the LOTFAP - on 8th July

And this july is just a figment of our imagination.

 

[JohnK]

But the American's claim it happens first in the LOTFAP - on 8th July

It will actually happen first somewhere over the Pacific just past the International Dateline.

And this july is just a figment of our imagination.

And here I was thinking that our entire existence was a just figment of our, or someone else's, imagination....

 

[samh004]

Just a prewarning, that:-

At 5 minutes, 6 seconds after 4am on July 8th this year. The time & date will be:-

04:05:06 07/08/09

This will never happen again.

That's true if you take the American date format of MM/DD/YY, if you go DD/MM/YY then it happens in August. Again.

 

[Alanslegal]

OR

At 13 minutes, 12 seconds past 2 in the afternoon, on the 11th day of October this year, the time would be;

14:13:12 11/10/09

This if of course, will never happen once and never again

 

[oz_mark]

OR

At 13 minutes, 12 seconds past 2 in the afternoon, on the 11th day of October this year, the time would be;

14:13:12 11/10/09

This if of course, will never happen once and never again

never happen once and never again? What does that mean?

 

[JohnK]

never happen once and never again? What does that mean?

It means that there are endless possibilities to the algorithm and will happen on more than occasion over and over again until the 13th year in every century from here until eternity....

 

[Alanslegal]

never happen once and never again? What does that mean?

ahhh my error

may i edit?

 

[oz_mark]

ahhh my error

may i edit?

If you like You had me confused!

 

[codash1099]

Just a prewarning, that:-

At 5 minutes, 6 seconds after 4am on July 8th this year. The time & date will be:-

04:05:0607/08/09

This will never happen again.

How about 05:06:0708/09/10 ?

 

[straitman]

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

 

[samh004]

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Car/bus.

Heard it before, haha.

 

[straitman]

[FONT=&quot]Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.[/FONT]