A bit of humour

[Flashback]

I fail to see the humour in the last few posts? :mrgreen:

 

[straitman]

I fail to see the humour in the last few posts? :mrgreen:

Yes we have strayed OT.

When I posted I thought about moving my post to the New Year thread but then it would not have had the continuity with the post from LW.

 

[Bundy Bear]

At 1:26am we had just arrived back at the house after a very pleasant evening on the water at Lakes Entrance. Eight people on a 34ft cruiser so lots of room. The 9:30 fireworks started a scrub fire near the surf club which added a bit of interest. The weather was 24deg with a warm NE breeze. The midnight fireworks was billed as the biggest in regional Victoria and was pretty spectacular as was the lightening show from the storms over the ocean to the SW. A great night and in bed by a (almost) respectable time of 2:00am.

Another cruise today from Lakes to Metung and back topped it all off. We finally arrived home in Sale at about 7:00pm tonight. A truly great couple of days :!:

Sounds like you had a great New Years Eve; and a good start for the new year, was watching the storm coming across Melbourne and wondered how close it would get to Sale.

I fail to see the humour in the last few posts? :mrgreen:

Oh does it matter.

I am not jumping on the 2010 bandwagon just yet. Let's give it a year and I'm pretty certain the fad will be over....

 

[Dee Thom]

Then there was the blond girl in Darwin trying to buy a genuine pair of crocodile shoes, but all the shops she tried were to expensive, so after an argument with the last vendor she said
"Well then I'll just go out and catch a crocodile so I can get a pair for free"
With a sly grin, the shopkeeper said "Little lady, you just go and give it a try"
The blond headed out to the river determined to catch a crocodile.
Later that day the shopkeeper decides to check on the blond, and pulls up at the river bank, where he spots the woman standing knee deep in murky water with a shotgun in her hands.
Just then he sees a 4 metre croc swimming rapidly towards her.
With lightening speed, she takes aim and kills the croc, and hauls it onto the bank of the river.
Lying near her were 7 more dead crocs all lying on their backs, in silent amazement he watched her roll the latest croc onto it's back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward, and screaming in utter frustration, she yells out

"cough, cough, cough, this ones barefoot too"

 

[straitman]

DEFINITION OF A PILOT
​

The average pilot, despite the sometimes​

swaggering exterior,​

Is very much capable of such feelings as​

Love, affection, intimacy and caring.

​

These feelings just don’t involve anybody​

else.​

 

[codash1099]

WHY I WANT TO BE A PILOT​

When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it's a fun job and easy to do. That's why there are so many pilots flying around these days.

Pilots don't need much school. They just have to learn to read numbers so they can read their instruments.

I guess they should be able to read a road map, too.

Pilots should be brave to they won't get scared it it's foggy and they can't see, or if a wing or motor falls off.

Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds, and they can't be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are much closer to them than we are.

The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more money than they know what to do with. This is because most people think that flying a plane is dangerous, except pilots don't because they know how easy it is.

I hope I don't get airsick because I get carsick and if I get airsick, I couldn't be a pilot and then I would have to go to work.

— purported to have been written by a fifth grade student at Jefferson School, Beaufort, SC. It was first published in the South Carolina Aviation News.​

 

[Bundy Bear]

Something I read over the weekend; in a book of all places. :idea:

Funny job descriptions.
Scott Adams creator of the Dilbert comic strip asked visitors to his website to describe their job in one sentence.

• Ensure that stuipd people stay in the gene pool. LIFEGUARD:-|
• Run away and call the police. SECURITY GUARD:?:
• Copy and paste the internet. STUDENT:shock:
• Talk in other peoples sleep. UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR
• Spend most of the day looking out the window. PILOT

 

[straitman]

Cable Guy Reads Politically Correct version of Night Before Christmas

Cable Guy Reads Politically Correct version of Night Before Christmas

 

[samh004]

Re: Cable Guy Reads Politically Correct version of Night Before Christmas

Cable Guy Reads Politically Correct version of Night Before Christmas

Haha. Lady of the night indeed.

 

[codash1099]

A little late but -

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.

She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo's phone number was in his Blackberry.

He'd been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.

He'd been cheatin' with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika.. The world had the story.

From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger's sad sordid tale was all over the news.

With hostesses,waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.

Despite all his cryin' and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger's wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.

And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you're gettin' laid then I'm gettin' paid."

She's not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year !!!!!

 

[oz_mark]

Facebook status of the day:

"It's always difficult texting someone to tell them one of their loved
ones has passed away - especially when your name is Lol."

 

[straitman]

Operations!

[FONT=&quot] Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.[/FONT]
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-o and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!", the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

 

[codash1099]

Feeling horrible, an alligator goes to the veterinarian.

"What seems to be the problem?" the vet asks.

"I just don't have the drive I used to, Doc, " the gator says. "Used
to be, I could swim underwater for miles and catch any animal
I wanted. Now all I can do is let them swim by."

Concerned, the vet gives him a through examination and hands him
a few pills. "What are these?" the gator asks.

"It's a pill very similar to cough," the vet answers.

"Hold on, I don't have that kind of problem." The alligator
protests. "What exactly is wrong with me?" "Well." The vet says,
"you have a reptile dysfunction. "

 

[codash1099]

* Directive No. 456179EU

In order to meet the regulations and conditions laid down for
unification under the Single European currency, all citizens of the
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Gibraltar,
Malta, Cyprus and Eire must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending
a Penny' will be banned from use after 31st December 2009.

As of 1st January 2010, the correct terminology, which must be used,
will be: 'Euronating' .

Thank you for your co-operation.

 

[anat0l]

* Directive No. 456179EU
...

As of 1st January 2010, the correct terminology, which must be used,
will be: 'Euronating'

I'd be feeling rather p*ssed off.

 

[Flashback]

I'd be feeling rather p*ssed off.

*badoom tssssh*

 

[straitman]

Subject: An inspiration to us all THIS IS GOLD !!!!!!

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Sclumberg is such a person. [FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and Margaritas into urine.

 

[Nigelinoz]

A blonde is overweight so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days," he tells her. "Then skip a day and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly four stone. "Why that's amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger you mean?" Asks the doctor.
"No," replies the blonde, "from skipping."

 

[Hvr]

* Directive No. 456179EU

In order to meet the regulations and conditions laid down for
unification under the Single European currency, all citizens of the
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Gibraltar,
Malta, Cyprus and Eire must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending
a Penny' will be banned from use after 31st December 2009.

As of 1st January 2010, the correct terminology, which must be used,
will be: 'Euronating' .

Thank you for your co-operation.

Well it deserved a wee laugh.

I'd be feeling rather p*ssed off.

 

[Nigelinoz]

Q: What’s the difference between BSE and PMT?

A: One is mad cow disease while the other has something to do with beef.
(Don't blame me,my girlfriend told me that one !).