A bit of humour

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[Hvr]

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[straitman]

An elderly couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no "after life" at all.
After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "mary mary , can you hear
me?
"Is that you, Frank?
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed.
"That's wonderful! What's it like?
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the
warm sun andthen have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and mary , you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper,it's back to the golf course again. Then
it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.
"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?
"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in Queensland "

 

[TheRealTMA]

Fitz, SMH.

”
One Sunday at mass, the priest tells the congregation that the church need some extra money for urgent repairs to the roof and ask the congregation to prayerfully consider giving a little more generously when the collection plate is passed around.

“Whoever gives the most will be able to pick out three hymns next Sunday.” After mass, the priest glances down and notices that someone has placed ten $100 bills on the plate. He is so excited that, on the next Sunday, he shares his joy with the congregation and says he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money on the plate. A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way up the back shyly raises her hand. The priest asks her to come to the front. Slowly, she makes her way forward.

“Bessie Braddock,” the priest says triumphantly, “your generosity is wonderful, and now, to thank you, I would like you to pick out three hymns.”

Bessie’s eyes brighten as she looks out over the congregation, before pointing to the three most handsome men in the building and says, “I’ll take him and him and him.”

 

[Bundy Bear]

Back wheni was young.

 

[coriander]

 

[SydneySwan]

That policeman is unmasked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[coyote25]

That policeman is unmasked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s why the cat is horrified

 

[SydneySwan]

That’s why the cat is horrified

Yes the cat will probably win an appeal on a technicality in that the PC was improperly attired so legally unable to write out a ticket.

 

[AIRwin]

Anyway the cat has 9 lives...

 

[Cruiser Elite]

 

[codash1099]

 

[cambriamarsh]

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[Hvr]

I bought Neil Diamond's old Volvo on Ebay...it was a Swede car on-line...

 

[Hvr]

 

[Hvr]

Instead of doorbells on Egyptian houses, they have horns with a sign saying: "Toot and come in".

What do you say to your sister when she’s sobbing her eyes out? “Are you having a crisis?"

used to be in a Billy Ocean tribute act but quit when the going got tough.

Just won a medal at the World Weather Forecasting Championships. I beat the raining champion.

The Doctor I'm seeing for my bad back is from Egypt. He's a Cairo practor.

I've been snacking on little bits of metal for the last few weeks, not one of my five a day, but it's a staple diet.

Me: "Is this fly spray any good for wasps?" Sales assistant: "Not really. It kills them."

This is a great time to buy a thermometer. They're much lower at this time of year.

I've put a marquee up in my garden, with funky music and flashing lights. Now is the winter of my disco-tent.

The police stopped me and asked me where I was between 5 and 11. I said "Primary School".

I love jokes about eyes. The cornea the better.

 

[Hvr]