A bit of humour

[QF WP]

9. I just got off the phone with a Labor politician, Peter Garrett who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have that number on them.''



10. Peter Slipper, Queensland Snoozetician called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if he meant fly to Pensacola, Florida on a commuter plane.

He said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''



11. Mary Landrieu, Kevin Rudd's aide called and had a question about the documents she and her boss needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports,
I reminded her that she needed a visa.

'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times
and every time they have accepted
my American Express!''

[She is seriously stuck in the 80's with that mullet]



12. Prime Minister Julia Gillard called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''

'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied Ms Gillard.

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

''Julia said, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered,
''You don't mean Buffalo, do you?''
The reply?
''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''


Now you know why the Governmentis in the shape that it's in! Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED..

I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration.

 

[anat0l]

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in! Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED..

I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration.

I'm dying... of embarrassment for our political system and those within it......


....and of laughter!

 

[Hvr]

A line for everybody:

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

 

[QF WP]

Love it...



Yes a bit blurry, that's the Trophy under the Qld infants' arm

 

[whatmeworry]

Funny how in Melbourne we don't care!
State of Origin | The Age Mistakes David Carney For Todd Carney

 

[whatmeworry]

Call Centres

 

[amaroo]

Hopefully not already posted.

 

[QF WP]

Water bed, Northern Australian style:



Isn't the reflection of Fourex just priceless.

 

[anat0l]

A cruel joke played on one of our members, see this topic: http://www.australianfrequentflyer....cussion/first-to-economy-downgrade-39950.html

Very small, but worthy of attention.

 

[sutho58]

I JUST WANT TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT...

My daughter has posted on Facebook that our dog killed an "intruder" this morning and "she no longer likes her"

Well, I see it differently and want to set the record straight..
This morning an intruder dropped into our backyard and commenced checking the place out, no doubt looking for something to steal. Our dog spotted said intruder and after a brief chase managed to catch and deal with said intruder. As the intruder had come from the neighbours house, my SO went to see them and inform them of what had happened. Neighbours wife then berated her husband for buying the new intruders without first fixing the fence, SO told them that if it happens again, chances are pretty good that our dog will enforce her rights to protect our property and retribution will be swift. Hopefully, that will be the end of having to put up with the things clucking so early in the morning..



"there's something wrong here,, my post count isn't going up...how am I going to get into the 1000 post club??"

 

[flyingfan]

"there's something wrong here,, my post count isn't going up...how am I going to get into the 1000 post club??"

Nothing's wrong, threads in the playground as this one is don't count towards your posts count. You just have to make 971 posts in any other section

 

[amaroo]

After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic’s swimming pool was still full.

 

[Foreigner]

What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario there was a DUMBASS who didn't take it out in time.

 

[markis10]

 

[NM]

LOL ...

If at first you don't succeed ...

... read the manual
... find a bigger hammer
... wait for the next high-tide
... sky-diving is not for you

 

[Hvr]

Water bed, Northern Australian style:

View attachment 7629

Isn't the reflection of Fourex just priceless.

Well it looks like it was a formal do so full names are required.

 

[oz_mark]

Sow your wild oats on Saturday night. Then on Sunday morning, pray for crop failure.

 

[Foreigner]

Sow your wild oats on Saturday night. Then on Sunday morning, pray for crop failure.

If praying doesn't help, see a medic.

 

[Maca44]

Ten Best Caddy Responses . .

Number :10
Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Number : 9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Number : 8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes . . . . You miss the ball much closer now."

Number : 7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

Number : 6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence."

Number : 5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

Number : 4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "It's very good - but personally, I prefer golf."

Number : 3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."

Number : 2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago."

And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

Bonus . . . . .

An old favourite . . . . . About the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole . . . . . He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy. . . .. .
Golfer: "Can you see any obvious problems . . . .??"
Caddy: "There's a piece of s**t on the end of your club."
Golfer: He picks up his club up and cleans the club face . . . . .
Caddy: "No sir, it’s at the other end"

 

[drron]

Continuing the golfing theme-
Tiger, The Red Faced Golfer by Golf Brooks - YouTube

"You Da Man" by Golf Brooks - YouTube

But this one was a little close for comfort-
Senior Moments by Golf Brooks - with Lyrics Closed Captioned - YouTube