The totally off-topic thread

[bambbbam2]

I like the fact that in Infinity, there are as many even numbers as odd AND even numbers combined..

 

[oz_mark]

I like the fact that in Infinity, there are as many even numbers as odd AND even numbers combined..

But isn't one of those infinities bigger than the other infinity?

 

[NM]

I'll have to dig up some notes from my studies in computer networks. Somewhere in them is some stuff about the count to infinity problem and how it takes a long time.

As a certified expert in this area, I can assure you that it does take a long time. But with fast network equipment, it takes less time. All this means that a really fast network crashes faster than a slow network.

 

[JohnK]

I'll have to dig up some notes from my studies in computer networks. Somewhere in them is some stuff about the count to infinity problem and how it takes a long time.

It certainly would take a long long time. :wink:

I don't think it is humanly possible. Not in our present state of existence anyway.

 

[NM]

It all depends on how long it takes the required number of people to take off their shoes.

 

[oz_mark]

It all depends on how long it takes the required number of people to take off their shoes.

That's a lot of people - And I thought the line at the bank was long.

 

[straitman]

It all depends on how long it takes the required number of people to take off their shoes.

That's a lot of people - And I thought the line at the bank was long.

Almost as long as a DJ checkin line :!:

 

[JohnK]

I had amnesia once or twice.

 

[straitman]

I had amnesia once or twice.

Which is it :?:

Once or twice :?:

Can't you remember :?:

 

[JohnK]

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying United. "He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for an old lady walking with a cane. She said,"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said,"Did we land or were we shot down?"

 

[straitman]

Some conversations that the airline passengers don't hear.
Following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world.

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich over heard the
following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because
you lost the bloody war."



The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was
with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call
sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been
to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I
didn't land."

 

[straitman]

...and there's more :!:

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"


From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing
bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f... ing stupid"!


O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
little Fokker in sight."

 

[JohnK]

A plane was taking off from Mascot Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number XYZ, non-stop from Sydney to Auckland. The
weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - S*IT! ARGHHH! OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in economy said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

 

[JohnK]

On an Air NZ Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
___________

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to leave the aircraft."
___________

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Auckland, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

 

[QF WP]

JohnK, I actually had the second comment above in a safety demonstration on Thursday last week, on a Horizon Airlines flight YLW/SEA. Plus a couple of others that I have written down, but don't have the time to type out now...I'll get to them next week

 

[JohnK]

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Adelaide, a flight attendant on a Qantas flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as cough* everything has shifted."
___________

"Weather at our destination is 32 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Qantas Airlines."

 

[oz_mark]

JohnK, I actually had the second comment above in a safety demonstration on Thursday last week, on a Horizon Airlines flight YLW/SEA. Plus a couple of others that I have written down, but don't have the time to type out now...I'll get to them next week

Welcome back Lindsay. Hope you are all rested and recuperated for the year ahead.

 

[JohnK]

From a Qantas employee: "Welcome aboard Qantas Flight X to Y. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
___________

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.

 

[oz_mark]

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Adelaide, a flight attendant on a Qantas flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as cough* everything has shifted."

I had a similar announcement (without the profanity) after a landing in Perth once.

 

[JohnK]

Heard on Qantas Airlines just after a very hard landing in Hobart: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what you are all thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault... it was the asphalt!"
___________

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of Qantas."