The totally off-topic thread

[Buzzard]

Ummm, not sure I agree with that. YMMV...

Which part do you not agree with?

 

[Pushka]

Well Buzz, I didn't totally agree with you comment either as clinical depression isn't something that is a mood thing so can't easily be shaken off. If successfully treated it might have taken years of chemical assistance and counselling/psychotherapy to assist. I don't truly think once it develops that you are ever truly free from it. It revisits from time to time.

No one, regardless of their "fortunate lot" is immune from it. It has nothing to do with "happiness". But your last line kind of conflicts with the rest of what you said and I did agree with that.

 

[SeatBackForward]

I think I can relate to Buzzard, in that, I too struggle to understand what depression is, but I have come to accept that it is more than just feeling down for periods of time. The issue I have is that it's just not something I can relate to, as I've not been in that position (to date).

It is a difficult concept to get around, which is no doubt due to the complex nature of it.

 

[blackcat20]

Guys are constantly the victims when it comes to child payments, yes there are scummy drop kick deadbeat dads but these are usually equalled by the number of scummy drop kick deadbeat mothers out there too.
Child support in Australia needs to be reviewed and revised urgently.

Feel free to chat to my dad who considered $20 a month appropriate for my "upkeep".

 

[Bindibuys]

I think I can relate to Buzzard, in that, I too struggle to understand what depression is, but I have come to accept that it is more than just feeling down for periods of time. The issue I have is that it's just not something I can relate to, as I've not been in that position (to date).

It is a difficult concept to get around, which is no doubt due to the complex nature of it.

I am with you SeatBackForward, as someone who has never had any contact with someone with depression, I can't grasp the concept.

In saying that, to those who have never experienced a " sick migraine" I don't expect you to understand how I feel when I go to bed perfectly fine, only to wake around 6am with my head absolutely splitting, and spending the morning talking to the big white telephone, with nothing to bring up but bile.
Worst experience of my life getting a sick migraine while on QF flight from LAX to SYD - let's not even go there, having to kneel on a "wet" floor numerous times during the flight.
On the plus side - getting wheel chair evac from the plane, the fastest we have ever gotten thru customs & immigration - even with express passes.

 

[Mal]

Feel free to chat to my dad who considered $20 a month appropriate for my "upkeep".

I didn't go into this one sided, there are drop kicks everywhere in society. However, the system is weighted massively against the father. I have worked with quite a few men who refuse to do overtime, refuse payrises etc because they know exactly where the child support went (drugs, alcohol, paying for holidays with the mothers new bf) rather than being spent on supporting the child.
The overarching powers of collection of the money were also of concern.

The system needs to be fair. Fathers need to pay up, mothers need to look after their children. However, the money should be for the child, not for a big night out on the town.

 

[SeatBackForward]

The system needs to be fair. Fathers need to pay up, mothers need to look after their children. However, the money should be for the child, not for a big night out on the town.

I'm no expert, not even a rank amateur in this area, but is there no way to place said monies into say a trust that is only released contingent on conditions?

 

[whatmeworry]

Guys are constantly the victims when it comes to child payments, yes there are scummy drop kick deadbeat dads but these are usually equalled by the number of scummy drop kick deadbeat mothers out there too.
Child support in Australia needs to be reviewed and revised urgently.

At one place I worked, one guy was playing a lot in child support for his kids. His ex ended up remarrying and he ended up with the custody of the kids. When it was her time to pay child support, oh the stink she kicked when she realised how much she would have to now pay him!

 

[medhead]

I didn't go into this one sided, there are drop kicks everywhere in society. However, the system is weighted massively against the father. I have worked with quite a few men who refuse to do overtime, refuse payrises etc because they know exactly where the child support went (drugs, alcohol, paying for holidays with the mothers new bf) rather than being spent on supporting the child.
The overarching powers of collection of the money were also of concern.

The system needs to be fair. Fathers need to pay up, mothers need to look after their children. However, the money should be for the child, not for a big night out on the town.

I have the experience of an uncle in this space who had massive difficulties. Without knowing full details, refused a reviewed on child support when the ex-wife got a big promotion. Refused, or great difficulty, when his income decreased massively. Proactively pursued or a review when his income massively increased. In that last situation I think he avoided a review by sending back the decision that denied a review when the ex-wife's income increased. (Also worth noting my aunt worked for the social security department and had many friends who looked after child support. Not making an accusation but there seemed to be a concerted effort for administration to take her side)

Then we have the case of a family friend whose ex-husband has outright refused to pay any money, hasn't paid any money and they can't get the court to force him to pay.

 

[whatmeworry]

I didn't go into this one sided, there are drop kicks everywhere in society. However, the system is weighted massively against the father. I have worked with quite a few men who refuse to do overtime, refuse payrises etc because they know exactly where the child support went (drugs, alcohol, paying for holidays with the mothers new bf) rather than being spent on supporting the child.
The overarching powers of collection of the money were also of concern.

The system needs to be fair. Fathers need to pay up, mothers need to look after their children. However, the money should be for the child, not for a big night out on the town.

Kanye West lyric...

 

[drron]

I think I can relate to Buzzard, in that, I too struggle to understand what depression is, but I have come to accept that it is more than just feeling down for periods of time. The issue I have is that it's just not something I can relate to, as I've not been in that position (to date).

It is a difficult concept to get around, which is no doubt due to the complex nature of it.

Even professionals struggle with depression.In the WHO classification of mental disorders there are over 20 subclasses of depression.It can be mild or severe,a single episode or recurrent.
However in the last month there has been a report of a genetic test that may be able to predict the risk of suicide developed at the John Hopkins-
Could a simple blood test predict risk of suicide? - Medical News Today

 

[whatmeworry]

Another legend gone.
» Lauren Bacall dead at 89 | EpicTimes

 

[whatmeworry]

Robin Williams faced serious money problems after 2 costly divorces.
No Cookies | Herald Sun

 

[JohnK]

I have never understood depression. Sometimes I look at people I know who are suffering with depression and I can understand why, at other times I think what have you got to be depressed by? They have a good job, a great income, nice home and family etc Come and spend a week with me and I'll give you something to be depressed by.

A terrible disease without a cure.

Unfortunately it's not that simple.

You go to bed happy and wake up in the morning feeling the world has collapsed around you.

And the medication available is only partly effective. I know someone who was on Zoloft for a few years. The side effects are totally undesirable. They were not the same person. Very aggressive. Self confidence increased to the point their decision making was seriously affected. They took more risks. Etc.

 

[Buzzard]

Well Buzz, I didn't totally agree with you comment either as clinical depression isn't something that is a mood thing so can't easily be shaken off. If successfully treated it might have taken years of chemical assistance and counselling/psychotherapy to assist. I don't truly think once it develops that you are ever truly free from it. It revisits from time to time.

No one, regardless of their "fortunate lot" is immune from it. It has nothing to do with "happiness". But your last line kind of conflicts with the rest of what you said and I did agree with that.

I stand by what I stated, the first part my saying that I don't understand depression and trying to offer a brief explanation of why I don't. In the second part of that statement I allude to persons who can not feed their family or pay their bills or have somewhere to live. This is what I mean plus more, and worse, when I say spend a week with me.......

And certainly my last line is correct, there is no cure which I note there is agreeance with.

Yes Pushka you are correct in what you have written but then I never said it was a mood thing that could be shaken off.
Perhaps my post has been misinterpreted.

 

[jukebox333]

I have the experience of an uncle in this space who had massive difficulties. Without knowing full details, refused a reviewed on child support when the ex-wife got a big promotion. Refused, or great difficulty, when his income decreased massively. Proactively pursued or a review when his income massively increased. In that last situation I think he avoided a review by sending back the decision that denied a review when the ex-wife's income increased. (Also worth noting my aunt worked for the social security department and had many friends who looked after child support. Not making an accusation but there seemed to be a concerted effort for administration to take her side)

Then we have the case of a family friend whose ex-husband has outright refused to pay any money, hasn't paid any money and they can't get the court to force him to pay.

When I was made redundant, I contacted Human Services. They were almost apologetic - the way the legislation is written, when my wife went from part time work to full time, there was no mechanism for my CS payments to her be reduced.

Perversely, I have 14 days to notify them I have an income or face a penalty. So I had to keep forking out $250 while my redundancy and accured annual leave were being timed out (8 weeks). In that time she had two long weekends in Margaret River, and booked a 10 day coughet trip.

If I salary sacrifice for super or a car, my FB's are weighted (at 180%, I think) and re-added to my assessed income.

And all the while, she can spend as little on our kids as she wants.

Feel free to chat to my dad who considered $20 a month appropriate for my "upkeep".

Or my ex-wife, who wil soon be entitled to $90 a day from me.

 

[medhead]

I stand by what I stated, the first part my saying that I don't understand depression and trying to offer a brief explanation of why I don't. In the second part of that statement I allude to persons who can not feed their family or pay their bills or have somewhere to live. This is what I mean plus more, and worse, when I say spend a week with me.......

And certainly my last line is correct, there is no cure which I note there is agreeance with.

Yes Pushka you are correct in what you have written but then I never said it was a mood thing that could be shaken off.
Perhaps my post has been misinterpreted.

I think I understood. As per my earlier post, I don't understand because I think in terms of external things that make people depressed. Actually it's probably more true to say it is not possible for me to understand.

Anyway, I've come to the realisation that all I need to know/understand is that it's something internal that creates the problem not something external.

 

[JohnK]

Or my ex-wife, who wil soon be entitled to $90 a day from me.

Seriously?

There is something seriously wrong with a system that allows this type of rorting.

I feel sorry for people in this situation. It takes a special person to be able to cope.

If it was me I'd stop working and do everything in my power to ensure she didn't benefit out of my misery. But then I'm not a nice person.

 

[blackcat20]

If it was me I'd stop working and do everything in my power to ensure she didn't benefit out of my misery. But then I'm not a nice person.

Nice idea, but then you'd also be depriving your children of support (though of course I do not support all the money being spent on themselves rather than the children).

 

[JohnK]

Nice idea, but then you'd also be depriving your children of support (though of course I do not support all the money being spent on themselves rather than the children).

It is a difficult one. Children are most important and I have never had any children so maybe I would do it differently if ever in that situation.

One thing doesn't sit right in my mind and it would be eating away at my sanity. I am not going to pay for her to have weekends away with this month's toy boy. Not this lifetime. Or the next.