The totally off-topic thread

[whatmeworry]

Maybe she wanted an objective opinion about how much that money would be rather than her own.

And many parents pay for the HECS fee even though kids are 18+ so this isn't unreasonable.

They never used Lawyers or the courts when it came to Child support but why start when their child turned 18?

HECS is a different matter. Some Parents might pay for their children's HECS but IMO expecting either parent to pay for a Child's HECS bill is a bit much. Some of the degrees costs tens of thousands of dollars and what would happen if Uni fees are deregulated? Some Uni courses might cost $150k! :shock:

 

[shellthom]

One last thought for you John. I can stomach the child support, as the oldest of my kids are old enough to understand it, and call her out if she ever says "we don't have the money"...

The thing that will drive me to a lawyer is this: My parents loaned me $100,000 to build a 2nd storey extension to our house. Even signed up a document nominating the peppercorn interest to be paid. Otherwise, we would have had to borrow an additional $100,000 from the bank.

Now we are separated, she believes she is entitled to 65% of that loan (i.e. it is not treated as a loan in our asset calcs, but a gift to me). And I have bene advised that per Australian Family Law, she is right. So she's helping herself to what was an advance on my inheritance, while her father sits on over $1M in Super, half of whatever is left when he dies will go to her (the other half to her brother).

It makes my blood boil that something done by my parents with good intention to make both our lives easier in marriage, can be abused in such a way - and that the woman I was married to for 17 years thinks that it is perfectly reasonable to do so.

And remember, it's not like I was the one that went off and had an affair and she's "getting revenge"... she was the adulterer.

Diabolical.

I missed about 20 pages of the thread, but I am sorry to hear you are going through this and good luck.

JohnK I hope your medical issues have been sorted out now?
Everyone else who was waiting on test results (man i may have been June and not even July I was last on this thread) I hope your all doing ok, there were quite a few from memory and some tests for serious things. So I will go back and read over it but I am not sure I can take it in.

My mum had her 3rd chemo treatment last monday. Its her final of that kind of chemo and not monday coming the one after she starts on Herceptin. Which is great, because it hasn't been around for that long and its the "cure" of the cancer mum has, without it she would have been told she had terminal cancer so I am very grateful to the researchers and people who were the test subjects that my mum can receive the potential cure for her cancer. 2-3 weeks ago she had a mental melt down. I was in NZ, I had been with her for the last 2 weeks, and I had been away for just 4 days. She got very angry, she sent me a message on Facebook while I was away (I had arrived in NZ 6 hours before) and let me know she was going to disown her mother and sister. She said some very upsetting things (they are my family but also my friends) and she stewed on it a week but she did in fact tell them to stay out of her life - she waited a week and I was back staying with her but she still felt the need. She is losing the mental battle at the moment, becoming depressed and angry and sure she was going to die shortly etc, but hopefully after a few treatments of the next chemo the hormones settle back down and she can get back to thinking positive.

I am emotionally, mentally and physically (because I did all the house work and prepared all the food etc etc) worn out but have a new appreciation for everything in my life and try to make note of it and tell people as much as I can. My mothers anger stemmed from feeling (her whole life but very much since she has been diagnosed) taken for granted by her family.

I am grateful for all the help and support I have had on here, and that I found this site a few years ago as the information has enabled me and the +1 to enjoy some out of this world/once in a life time/that never happens to real people/that never happens experiences and we will be forever in your debt but truly appreciate it

 

[jukebox333]

The problem you really face is that you have few options in a system which is often not fair - but is made worse by the ridiculous charges by Lawyers. I have seen more people ruined by the legal fees than by the child support. I have seen people slugged several thousand dollars for one letter. Financial agreements on separation or divorce should be straight forward - assets and liabilities - then a 50-50 split. But you will find that Lawyers will charge a fortune to haggle backward and forward - as that is how the earn their fee. If you have evidence of the loan - she has no rights to it - but be careful because she will darg it out for no reason other than to create pain for you and financial burden of a lawyer. This is not how the Family Law Act was meant to work.

Surely a loan is regarded as a liability not an asset when you are paying interest?

Unfortunately, in the eyes of the Family Court, unless the loan is one done in a commercial fahsion - i.e. market interest rate, regular repayments of principal - it is looked upon a "a gift", and so is deemed not to be going to be repayed.

It cost me $500 for a lawyer to tell me that.

However, I understand it is going to cost her something like $30-40,000 for her lawyer to navigate his way through the system to get her hands on it - assuming I don't roll over.

So yes. the race result will be:

1st Place: Her Lawyer
2nd Place: Her
3rd Place: The taxman (who gets more of my 40% remote site uplift than I do!)
2nd-to-last: Our kids. Because I always would put them ahead of me. (see, you have to keep your sense of humour!)
Dead last: Me.

 

[shellthom]

Unfortunately, in the eyes of the Family Court, unless the loan is one done in a commercial fahsion - i.e. market interest rate, regular repayments of principal - it is looked upon a "a gift", and so is deemed not to be going to be repayed.

It cost me $500 for a lawyer to tell me that.

However, I understand it is going to cost her something like $30-40,000 for her lawyer to navigate his way through the system to get her hands on it - assuming I don't roll over.

So yes. the race result will be:

1st Place: Her Lawyer
2nd Place: Her
3rd Place: The taxman (who gets more of my 40% remote site uplift than I do!)
2nd-to-last: Our kids. Because I always would put them ahead of me. (see, you have to keep your sense of humour!)
Dead last: Me.

Maybe its better to get an accountant so he can work out then explain to your wife how much money she is going to waste and that if she accepted x amount she will be better off in the long run - of course only if you and the kids will be as well?? She's a mother, isn't there a way to make her see sense? Maybe not.

 

[Pushka]

That story sounds so familiar. No wonder lawyers are hated in some areas.

I used work in a workers rehab clinic. People's lawyers would tell them they could sue their employer/Workcover for a lump sum settlement. The people would get very excited at the $$$ they would get. I'd ask them how much their lawyers fee would be for that amount. (It's usually quite high.). They'd look at me blankly and say something like "they take their fees from my money?" Then I'd ask if they realise their medical fees etc would be deducted from the remainder. More blank looks. Then I'd ask them if they'd thought about their prospects for future employment having received a settlement. (in order to explain the gap in their work history).

Sometimes the devil is in the detail.

 

[markis10]

They never used Lawyers or the courts when it came to Child support but why start when their child turned 18?

Under 18 you cannot take court action, its only over 18 which requires courts to make a ruling as things are not mandated in the relevant acts.

 

[JohnK]

It makes my blood boil that something done by my parents with good intention to make both our lives easier in marriage, can be abused in such a way - and that the woman I was married to for 17 years thinks that it is perfectly reasonable to do so.

And remember, it's not like I was the one that went off and had an affair and she's "getting revenge"... she was the adulterer.

Diabolical.

Sad doesn't even begin to describe it. I feel sorry for what you are going through. The law is totally wrong.

I worry a lot. Worry about things that may never happen.

Hypothetical situation. I am 50 years of age and have accumulated a small fortune. If some skan_ dupes me after 12 months she is entitled to more than half the fortune I have accumulated my entire life. What warped mind thinks this resolution is justified? She is not entitled to anything. Not a single cent.

I have no trust in females. Full stop.

I will do everything in my power to ensure the rest of my life is comfortable. I am not going to work again.

My brother is not married and doesn't look like getting married. If it looks like I am getting into a stupid relationship I am going to transfer everything to him and pay the stamp duties and capital gains tax. I am prepared to lose a little to protect what is rightly mine.

 

[RAM]

Sad doesn't even begin to describe it. I feel sorry for what you are going through. The law is totally wrong.

I worry a lot. Worry about things that may never happen.

Hypothetical situation. I am 50 years of age and have accumulated a small fortune. If some skan_ dupes me after 12 months she is entitled to more than half the fortune I have accumulated my entire life. What warped mind thinks this resolution is justified? She is not entitled to anything. Not a single cent.

I have no trust in females. Full stop.

I will do everything in my power to ensure the rest of my life is comfortable. I am not going to work again.

My brother is not married and doesn't look like getting married. If it looks like I am getting into a stupid relationship I am going to transfer everything to him and pay the stamp duties and capital gains tax. I am prepared to lose a little to protect what is rightly mine.

Or for a once off fee to a well-researched in advance lawyer get an incredibly detailed pre-nup agreement - much cheaper than stamp-duty.

 

[JohnK]

Or for a once off fee to a well-researched in advance lawyer get an incredibly detailed pre-nup agreement - much cheaper than stamp-duty.

I was told that a good lawyer can rip through a pre-nuptial agreement.

Not having to work again is not negotiable. I wouldn't want some clown sitting behind a bench ruining it.

How easy would it be to get money to Seychelles, Switzerland etc?

 

[anat0l]

How easy would it be to get money to Seychelles, Switzerland etc?

For Switzerland it may or may not be a challenge - I'd say you'd either need a residence or work permit in Switzerland, or set up a business in Switzerland.

I haven't checked but you might be able to set up an expatriate account; they usually have very high minimum balances.

 

[mannej]

My BIL is getting married to a lawyer who works in the family law/divorce area so we hear about the bitter stories a lot of the time.
My wife and I joke about which side the SIL will side with incase anything were to happen.
It's not really a nice topic full stop.

I also have my views on depression, but I am struggling to pen them down.

 

[Steelo]

Binding Financial Agreements should stand up - as long as the drafting is clear - they clearly identify the assets each partner is entering the relationship with and the way in which assets are distributed in the event of it breaking down. The agreement is entered into in good faith and both parties are required to obtain independent legal advice. The real sleeper is often the superannuation - and I have seen a defacto of 8 months claim a deceased defacto's superannuation over the top of his children and ex wife. The unfortunate thing is that the legal industry can be pretty cut throat - and they will pursue matters just to make money regardless. So the breakdown of most of these scenarios is that the legal industry is the biggest beneficiary. It is no co-incidence that the legal industry are heavily involved in political lobbying. although despite these re assurances, John you are right to be cautious because I have seen too many sad outcomes.

 

[Steelo]

You need to be careful with assets held in some countries, including Switzerland, as they have very strict rules about who is entitled to the distribution of assets from a deceased estate - even if you are not a citizen.

 

[JohnK]

The unfortunate thing is that the legal industry can be pretty cut throat - and they will pursue matters just to make money regardless. So the breakdown of most of these scenarios is that the legal industry is the biggest beneficiary.

Profit by destroying the life of another human being? Classy. Ethical. Better not say anymore as I have nothing nice to say.

It is no co-incidence that the legal industry are heavily involved in political lobbying. although despite these re assurances, John you are right to be cautious because I have seen too many sad outcomes.

It is sad that society has degraded to this point.

I have lost confidence. I cannot trust. That's not my fault. Society shouldn't be protecting the gold digger.

 

[drron]

Smart people can do silly things-
A brain scientist who was arrested last month after pointing one or more guns, including a fully loaded AR-15 semiautomatic assault-style rifle, toward a mother and daughter in the Phoenix, Arizona, international airport, said his intent was to make a political statement. The director of the Brain Modeling Laboratory at the Barrow Neurological Institute (BNI), Peter Steinmetz, is named in a court document which says the two women were scared for their lives.
The neurologist, who received his M.D. and Ph.D. from Johns Hopkins University Medical School, openly carried his gun or guns into Sky Harbor International Airport’s (PHX) Terminal 4 on July 25. He insisted that he never pointed the weapon at anyone and characterized himself as “a peaceful political activist.” He said his purpose in strolling around the United States’ 10th busiest airport with a military-style semiautomatic weapon “was entirely political in nature.”

Read more at Guns: Brain Doctor Flaunts AR-15 Rifle in Phoenix Airport

 

[whatmeworry]

Some reports saying cash problems caused by two costly divorces contributed to Robin Williams poor mental health.

Battling depression and tormented by cash problems, Robin Williams looked a shadow of his former self before he took his own life, a neighbour has revealed.
The tragic comedy legend had told of his misery at having to return to TV at the age of 63 and take on film roles he did not want because two divorces had cost him £20million.

The Mrs Doubtfire star had put his beautiful California ranch with a five-bed villa and vineyard on sale due to the divorce payments to ex-wives Valerie Velardi and Marsha Garces. Friends also said he was an incredibly generous person who gave cash to help others.
And the dad-of-three, who had not been on TV since 1982 when he starred in Mork & Mindy, had returned as an ad man in the The Crazy Ones, which was dropped after just one series. Robin was also due to reprise his role as Mrs Doubtfire for a sequel to the film.
One source said the axing of the TV show sent the comic into a spiral of gloom. As officials confirmed the veteran screen star hanged himself at home, the insider added: “Robin slipped into a deep depression. He felt embarrassed and humiliated the show was a failure.
“It was very hard for Robin to accept. Here he was in his 60s, and forced to take a role on television for the money. It’s just not where he thought he would be at this point in his life.”

Robin Williams 'looked terrible and was tormented by cash worries' shortly before suicide, neighbour reveals - 3am & Mirror Online

 

[JohnM]

Smart people can do silly things-/QUOTE]

There is, unfortunately, often a vast difference between 'intelligent' and 'smart' .

 

[Buzzard]

My BIL is getting married to a lawyer who works in the family law/divorce area so we hear about the bitter stories a lot of the time.
My wife and I joke about which side the SIL will side with incase anything were to happen.
It's not really a nice topic full stop.

I also have my views on depression, but I am struggling to pen them down.

My daughter is a Family Lawyer, until recently owning her own practice.
Some of the things she has told me (never names) send shivers up my spine.
On more than one occasion she has had to remind her clients what her hourly fee is.
She has had warring couples fight over a wheel barrow, dinner sets, pets and the list goes on. She has advised her clients to just go to Myers and replace it - it will be less expensive.
What it boils down to is not the item but the battle and who wins. The cost is not a consideration it is the outcome.
Go figure.

 

[RAM]

My daughter is a Family Lawyer, until recently owning her own practice.
Some of the things she has told me (never names) send shivers up my spine.
On more than one occasion she has had to remind her clients what her hourly fee is.
She has had warring couples fight over a wheel barrow, dinner sets, pets and the list goes on. She has advised her clients to just go to Myers and replace it - it will be less expensive.
What it boils down to is not the item but the battle and who wins. The cost is not a consideration it is the outcome.
Go figure.

Point scoring is never productive.

Three most important words?






I was wrong.

 

[JohnK]

JohnK I hope your medical issues have been sorted out now?

Thanks for asking.

Liver appears to be OK. The rest not so sure.

Thank Medicare for rejecting the request for new medication for me. Excruciating pain and limp is not enough to indicate any damage. They need to see proof that inflammatory markers are present in blood tests or noticeable signs of damage on xrays. I have neither.

More than one way to skin a cat though. I can still get thid medication from a different specialist but instead of regular infusions the infusions will be every 8 weeks.

Hope all works out well for you and your mum.