codash1099
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Re: Get ready for some PUNishment...
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A bit of humour
- Thread starter Maca44
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Re: Get ready for some PUNishment...
Some sad news from the North Pole. Santa Claus and Mrs Claus have split up.
One problem, there are no divorce lawyers at the North Pole.
So they got a semi-colon instead; they're great for separating independent Clauses.
Some sad news from the North Pole. Santa Claus and Mrs Claus have split up.
One problem, there are no divorce lawyers at the North Pole.
So they got a semi-colon instead; they're great for separating independent Clauses.
Major
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Re: Get ready for some PUNishment...
In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said,
"You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man, God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO,
who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three foot tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.”
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.
I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of..."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get coughked."
In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said,
"You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man, God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO,
who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three foot tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.”
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.
I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of..."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get coughked."
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get me outta here
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A few old photos:
http://slightlywarped.com/coughfactory/curiosities/2014/may/images/ZsEH14Z.jpg
Smuggling beer during prohibition sometime between 1920 and 1933.
http://slightlywarped.com/coughfactory/curiosities/2014/may/images/cjU5Z6x.jpg
Illuminated tires invented by Goodyear in 1961. (I bet you didn't see the tyres/ tires at first)
http://slightlywarped.com/coughfactory/curiosities/2014/may/images/IeeY8.jpg
Directional sound finders used to detect incoming enemy planes in 1917.
http://slightlywarped.com/coughfactory/curiosities/2014/may/images/ZsEH14Z.jpg
Smuggling beer during prohibition sometime between 1920 and 1933.
http://slightlywarped.com/coughfactory/curiosities/2014/may/images/cjU5Z6x.jpg
Illuminated tires invented by Goodyear in 1961. (I bet you didn't see the tyres/ tires at first)
http://slightlywarped.com/coughfactory/curiosities/2014/may/images/IeeY8.jpg
Directional sound finders used to detect incoming enemy planes in 1917.
drron
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- Jul 4, 2002
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The Dave Barry year in review.Back in the day I loved his AFR columns.A bit for AFFers-
https://www.washingtonpost.com/life...00bd9d38a02_story.html?utm_term=.121d31c9bf64
https://www.washingtonpost.com/life...00bd9d38a02_story.html?utm_term=.121d31c9bf64
amaroo
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Re: Get ready for some PUNishment...
Similar theme ... the kids saw this one last night at our restaurant in Bangkok
Hope this picture links correctly.
I'm going to be in so much trouble for posting this.
These are toilet doors:
Similar theme ... the kids saw this one last night at our restaurant in Bangkok
mrs.dr.ron
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JohnK
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Re: Get ready for some PUNishment...
Only if you are a woman.Amaroo - that is not humour - that is correct !!!
TomVexille
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Re: Get ready for some PUNishment...
One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil." You're on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide which room you want to occupy."
Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Barack Obama and a large pool of water. Barack kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Donald said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair.I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got his problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Donald.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said..........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil." You're on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide which room you want to occupy."
Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Barack Obama and a large pool of water. Barack kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Donald said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair.I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got his problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Donald.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said..........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
whatmeworry
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- Jan 22, 2007
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Re: Get ready for some PUNishment...
Just a reminder that the Russians celebrate Christmas a couple of weeks later then most of us. This year they are going to celebrate on January 20th.
Just a reminder that the Russians celebrate Christmas a couple of weeks later then most of us. This year they are going to celebrate on January 20th.
Major
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Re: Get ready for some PUNishment...
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing
it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring
day, decided he just had to play golf.
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling
sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father
Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty
miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone
he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he
was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone
else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord
while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and
fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 350 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and
asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing
it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring
day, decided he just had to play golf.
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling
sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father
Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty
miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone
he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he
was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone
else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord
while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and
fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 350 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and
asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
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Re: Get ready for some PUNishment...
Someone asked me what I see myself doing in 3 years. I told them I don't have 2020 vision.
Someone asked me what I see myself doing in 3 years. I told them I don't have 2020 vision.
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Re: Get ready for some PUNishment...
Well I do have contacts.
And have been known to make a spectacle of myself. 
(With those lines I'm definitely in the frame for something.)
Can help you out a bit!
You can cross stand up comedian off the list of things you'll be doing in 3 years. Or am I being short sighted?
Well I do have contacts.
And have been known to make a spectacle of myself. (With those lines I'm definitely in the frame for something.)
anat0l
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- Dec 30, 2006
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anat0l
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- Dec 30, 2006
- Posts
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I recently wrote a theatrical performance based on puns.
It was a play on words.
:mrgreen:
I, for one, like Roman numerals.
:mrgreen:
To the guy who invented the number zero - thanks for nothing!
:mrgreen:
Steak puns - a medium where anything well done is rare.
:mrgreen:
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
:mrgreen:
It was easy to master Braille after I got a feel for it.
:mrgreen:
No matter how much you push an envelope, it's still stationery.
It was a play on words.
:mrgreen:
I, for one, like Roman numerals.
:mrgreen:
To the guy who invented the number zero - thanks for nothing!
:mrgreen:
Steak puns - a medium where anything well done is rare.
:mrgreen:
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
:mrgreen:
It was easy to master Braille after I got a feel for it.
:mrgreen:
No matter how much you push an envelope, it's still stationery.
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2007
- Posts
- 10,743
- Qantas
- LT Gold
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