A bit of humour

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.”

“Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”

Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. “Two dogs, please,” she says.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs.’

One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, “What part did you get?”
​
 
Zoom onto the nose.

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A very old lady realizes that she’s seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world.

After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart.

He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The senior lady hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
 
I would have thought the better literal translation was laying the parcel down on its long edge and then putting the doormat on top :rolleyes:
 
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A car salesman tried to pull a fast one on a wise farmer but the farmer got the last laugh:


A wise old farmer went to town to buy a new pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a certain price.

After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they set down to do the paperwork.

The salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared, “This isn’t the price I saw!”

The salesman went on to tell the old wise farmer how he was getting extras such as power steering, power brakes, power windows, special tires, etc. and that was what took the price up. The farmer, needing the truck badly, paid the price and went home.

A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, “My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?”

The farmer replied, “Yes, I have a few cows I would sell for $500 a piece. Come and look at them and take your pick.”

The salesman said he and his son would be right out.

After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer’s cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for $500.

The farmer said, “Now wait a minute, that’s not the final price of the cow. You’re getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too.”

“What extras?” asked the salesman.

Below is the list the farmer gave the salesman for the final price of the cow:


  • BASIC COW – $500.00
  • Two-tone exterior – $45.00
  • Extra stomach – $75.00
  • Product storing equipment – $60.00
  • Straw compartment – $120.00
  • 4 spigots @$10 each – $40.00
  • Leather upholstery – $125.00
  • Dual horns – $45.00
  • Automatic fly swatter – $38.00
  • Fertilizer attachment – $185.00
  • Grand Total – $1,233.00


I’d say that’s one clever farmer!
 
straitman said:
A car salesman tried to pull a fast one on a wise farmer but the farmer got the last laugh:


A wise old farmer went to town to buy a new pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a certain price.

After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they set down to do the paperwork.

The salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared, “This isn’t the price I saw!”

The salesman went on to tell the old wise farmer how he was getting extras such as power steering, power brakes, power windows, special tires, etc. and that was what took the price up. The farmer, needing the truck badly, paid the price and went home.

A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, “My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?”

The farmer replied, “Yes, I have a few cows I would sell for $500 a piece. Come and look at them and take your pick.”

The salesman said he and his son would be right out.

After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer’s cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for $500.

The farmer said, “Now wait a minute, that’s not the final price of the cow. You’re getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too.”

“What extras?” asked the salesman.

Below is the list the farmer gave the salesman for the final price of the cow:


  • BASIC COW – $500.00
  • Two-tone exterior – $45.00
  • Extra stomach – $75.00
  • Product storing equipment – $60.00
  • Straw compartment – $120.00
  • 4 spigots @$10 each – $40.00
  • Leather upholstery – $125.00
  • Dual horns – $45.00
  • Automatic fly swatter – $38.00
  • Fertilizer attachment – $185.00
  • Grand Total – $1,233.00


I’d say that’s one clever farmer!
Click to expand...

Given that a cow has four stomachs he short changed himself $150.
 

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