A bit of humour

[cosi]

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me?"

"Is that you, Frank?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.

After supper, it's back to the golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in Scotland"

 

[Major]

 

[MathNerd]

I was invited to a wedding.

So I went to the suit shop. There was a massive line, took 2 hours to get a suit.

Then went to the shirt shop. Another massive line, this time it took 3 hours to get a shirt.

Next, went to the shoe shop. No luck here, took an even longer time to get to the front of the line and get a pair of shoes.

Then, I went to the wedding. At the wedding was a table with a large jar of punch on it.

The best part? There was no punch line.

 

[NM]

I was invited to a wedding.

So I went to the suit shop. There was a massive line, took 2 hours to get a suit.

Then went to the shirt shop. Another massive line, this time it took 3 hours to get a shirt.

Next, went to the shoe shop. No luck here, took an even longer time to get to the front of the line and get a pair of shoes.

Then, I went to the wedding. At the wedding was a table with a large jar of punch on it.

The best part? There was no punch line.

Hmmm, now to work out how to fit this into my Dad-Joke laden Father of the Bride speech next month. Thanks for the material

 

[Ansett]

 

[Ansett]

 

[tgh]

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[Mrsfefe]

 

[drron]

 

[Black Duck]

(From friend Dave).

A soap factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people.

Six months and $8 million later, they had a fantastic solution - on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased.

They solved the problem by using a special scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a soap box weighed less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory.

A while later, the CEO decides to look at the first week report. Since the scales were put in place, no empty boxes had been shipped out of the factory. Each day about a dozen defective boxes were being removed, which was consistent with the projections. There were almost zero customer complaints and they were gaining market share. The CEO felt the $8 million was well spent.

However, the number of defective boxes picked up by the scales dropped to zero after three weeks. He filed a bug against it and after some investigation, the engineers came back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren't picking up any defects because all boxes that got to that point in the conveyor belt were good.

Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about.

"Oh, that," the supervisor replied, "Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over, removing the box and re-starting the line every time the bell rang."

 

[Ansett]

 

[Hvr]

 

[Bundy Bear]

Good one

 

[Cossie]

Saw this on a friend's fb page, he lives in the Netherlands.

"FIRST OF ALL, THANKS EVERYONE for your concern and support . I'm fine, just a little depressed, but I'll be ok . For those of you who don't know what happened, I got robbed this morning at the Esso on the A2 I pulled myself together, my hands were still shaking, I felt dizzy and I honestly think I was in shock . My money was gone . I called the police, they were fantastic and called for medical attention because my blood pressure skyrocketing . the police asked me if i knew who did it and i said yes it was pump number 3"

 

[Captain Halliday]

Funny announcement in the BNE terminal this morning.

“Qantas is paging the following passenger who has failed to board flight xx_ to YYY… First Officer xx_xx_XX.”

 

[dajop]

Didn't quite know where to park this, not a joke, but nevertheless gave me a chuckle when I saw a billboard for this law firm when driving through central California.



and their website gave me a further chuckle...

.... The Bogan Law Firm, A Professional Corporation, focuses the practice in these areas: Criminal Defense, Driving Under The Influence (DUI), and Personal Injury.

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[MathNerd]

 

[codash1099]