A bit of humour

[anat0l]

Kee's World is a comic which appears in the Malay newspaper The Star. The description on the website is, "Our resident cartoonist's take on the crazy, durian things that make Malaysian life what it is."

Here are my selection of 14 comics in the last year and a bit. Most of them you need to understand some of the idiosyncrasies of Malay and/or Singaporean life (e.g. money, Chinese New Year, traffic in Kuala Lumpur, etc.), but some themes are also relevant to our normal (or abnormal) way of life...

I will note now that all images are copyright of The Star and the cartoonist who creates Kee's World. Pictures below are available at the website http://thestar.com.my/comics/kee/

You know how women are obsessed with handbags? Apparently the madness may have a reason...

How many of you wake up your female SOs like this?

Crime, unfortunately, is getting much worse in Malaysia, particularly Kuala Lumpur. Worse, criminals are getting smarter...

While the cat is away, the mice will...

A literal take on SWMBO...

They also say the chances of a male being hit by lightning is 1 in 44,000. Remember kids - the probability of two such events is not dependent...

 

[anat0l]

More Kee's World...


Always be nice to your wife...even if she's not "around"...

So true?

And one for the environmentalists....

 

[Flashback]

I think this one has already been posted.. but here goes:
For all Who Work With Rude Customers, isn't it a shame WE can't actually do this!


An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was


re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.

He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:"May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said,"F... You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit)"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

 

[straitman]

A Catholic guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby,and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in:"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than I imagined it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".

 

[QF WP]

Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.​

FLORIDA OR MOON​

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just cough in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'​

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realising that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night...
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

 

[QF WP]

HOW TO HANDLE IRRITATING SEATMATES ON AN AIRPLANE

If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you follow these instructions:
1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start up
4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes, tilt your head up to the sky & move your lips as if praying
6. Then hit this link http://boortz.com/mp3/archive/countdown.swf

(Then again, it's also a perfect way to get yourself locked up for the rest of your life as well in a 8 x 8 cell)

 

[notzac]

YouTube - Penny in Economy (Part 2)

For anyone that hasn't seen the full thing -- this is from 'Come Fly With Me', which hasn't screened in Australia but is definitely worth tracking down and watching. Hadn't laughed so much in a long time!

Come Fly with Me (2010 TV series) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[ethernet]

YouTube - Cheap Flights with subtitles

Cheap flights Cheap flights song (UK/Irish based)

 

[Nigelinoz]

Funny photo of the day-

Yfrog Photo : yfrog.com/h8tddhbj
Cheers
N'oz

 

[straitman]

Hallelujah! We're healed!

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a religious healing program on TV. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed,to put one hand on the TV and the other on the body part they wanted healed.

Grandma hobbled to the TV and put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic hip. Grandpa made his way to the set and put one hand on the TV and the other on his crotch. Grandma looked at him with disgust . "you just don't understand, you old coot.....the purpose of this program is to heal the sick, not raise the dead."[FONT=&quot]


[/FONT]

 

[Nigelinoz]

Re: Hallelujah! We're healed!

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a religious healing program on tv.the evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed,to put one hand on the tv and the other on the body part they wanted healed.

Grandma hobbled to the tv and put one hand on the tv and the other on her arthritic hip. Grandpa made his way to the set and put one hand on the tv and the other on his crotch. Grandma looked at him with disgust . "you just don't understand, you old coot.....the purpose of this program is to heal the sick, not raise the dead."[FONT=&quot]


[/FONT]

 

[QF WP]

I have to agree nigelinoz. LOTFLMAO. Need to copy that for my dad's poker group.

 

[QF WP]

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders. The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'

'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'

Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man...' Same for me,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.

Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big cough and long legs, who agrees with everything I say!!

 

[samh004]

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

I’m going to remember that for if I ever find a genie!

 

[QF WP]

A blonde orders a beer in a bar.

The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman's coughs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her coughs.

Each time the blond calls for another beer this happens. So after the third beer,a guy decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hit her coughs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she decks him!

He is lying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady. Why do you let the bartender do it?'

'Duh,' says the blonde, 'He has a licker license!'

 

[QF WP]

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Señora, there are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Your husband he say so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Your husband did"

Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he???"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth: "And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora...... The gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

 

[Ikara]

I know, I know.........it's 18 days late, but enjoy any way!

Great Westjet Advertisement



http://www.westjet.com/guest/en/media-investors/helium.shtml

JB

 

[samh004]

I know, I know.........it's 18 days late, but enjoy any way!

Great Westjet Advertisement



http://www.westjet.com/guest/en/media-investors/helium.shtml

JB

That was really well done!

 

[oz_mark]

From USA today

Editorial Cartoons - USATODAY.com Photos

 

[oz_mark]

and a few more