A bit of humour

[QF WP]

Are you offering your services

Where's samh004 when you need him

 

[samh004]

Are you offering your services

Where's samh004 when you need him

I’m always around, you didn’t email me!

 

[oz_mark]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American [but certainly not a redneck!], an Argentinian, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uraguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, a Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamanian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Taiwanese, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian and a Norwegian walk into a fine restaurant.


"I'm sorry," said the maître d, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."

 

[QF WP]

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Murphy couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a Wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the Bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a Four-poster bed...


To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.

 

[oz_mark]

Descartes walks into a bar

"Would you like your usual drink?" the bartender asked.

"I think not," descartes replied and promptly vanished

 

[codash1099]

For X-men fans:

 

[samh004]

Here is something to help make Gillard's speeches almost tolerable. Just print this page, distribute it to friends, and listen to her next speech (be sure to read directions at the bottom).


Rules for Bull**** Bingo:
1. Before Julia Gillard's next televised speech, print your "Bull**** Bingo"
2. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
3. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULL****!"

Late but not forgotten.

 

[nlagalle]

Late but not forgotten.

View attachment 2189

It's missing her most famous of lines - Moving forward!

 

[ejb]

It's missing her most famous of lines - Moving forward!

But as she says that every 2 seconds that is too easy.

At least "woking families" seems to have been dropped.

ejb

 

[oz_mark]

Fairy tales can come true...

 

[samh004]

It's missing her most famous of lines - Moving forward!

You’ll have to take that up with Lindsay and whoever forwarded him the email!

 

[QF WP]

Someone else sent it to me. Whoever has the skills and inclination can change it and re-post, as I have neither!


Sent from my iPhone using AFF Mobile

 

[oz_mark]

My mates in a band called 1023 Meg.

They can't get a gig.

 

[Ikara]

This is a story that should be perfectly logical to all Engineers

A wife asks her engineer husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and
buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6." A short time later
the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why
the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

JB

 

[Hvr]

My mates in a band called 1023 Meg.

They can't get a gig.

But this will get a byte I am sure.

 

[anat0l]

While creating Husbands, God promised Women that good and ideal Husbands would be found in all corners of the world.....

And then he made Earth round.

 

[Bundy Bear]

Not sure if anyone has been watching Australias Got Talent on Channel 7 over the last 2 weeks.

This is one of the funniest things I have seen on TV for a while.

Australias Got Talent 2011 Matty Shields (Pole Dancer)

There are a few other goods ones now on youtube. Another good one was comedian with the new shoes from last night, will need to wait for youtube on that one.

 

[Nigelinoz]

This one courtesy of Robert Lee on Twitter.

Drove into the back of a car being driven by a dwarf.He said i'm not happy. Isaid which one are you then

Cheers
N'oz

 

[serfty]

This one courtesy of Robert Lee on Twitter.

Drove into the back of a car being driven by a dwarf.He said i'm not happy. Isaid which one are you then

... probably "Grumpy" ...

 

[straitman]

John Smith started the day early having set hisalarm clock​

(MADE IN JAPAN )
for 6 am.

While his coffeepot

(MADE IN CHINA)

was perking, he shaved with his

electric razor

(MADE IN HONG KONG)

He put on a

dress shirt

(MADE IN SRI LANKA),

designer jeans

(MADE IN SINGAPORE)

and

tennis shoes

(MADE IN KOREA)

After cooking his breakfast in his new

electric skillet

(MADE IN INDIA)

he sat down with his

calculator

(MADE IN MEXICO)

to see how much he could spend today. After setting his

watch

(MADE IN TAIWAN )

to the radio

(MADE IN INDIA )

he got in his car

(MADE IN GERMANY )

filled it with GAS

(from Saudi Arabia )

and continued his search

for a good paying AUSTRALIAN JOB.


At the end of yet another discouraging

and fruitless day

checking his

Computer

( made in MALAYSIA ),

John decided to relax for a while.

He put on his sandals

(MADE IN BRAZIL ),

poured himself a glass of

wine

(MADE IN FRANCE )

and turned on his

TV

(MADE IN INDONESIA ),

and then wondered why he can't

find a good paying job

in AUSTRALIA


AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM THE GOVERNMENT WHO ARE GOING TO CREATE EVEN MORE JOBS OVERSEAS WITH A CARBON TAX DESIGNED TO DESTROY EVEN MORE AUSTRALIAN JOBS BECAUSE ITS IN THE NATIONAL INTEREST


LEAD BY A PRIME MINISTER MADE IN WALES​