A bit of humour

[Nigelinoz]

ummm straitman,
You do know that posts on this thread are supposed to be funny don't you ?:mrgreen:
coz there aint nuthin funny in your last post:!:
Cheers
N'oz

 

[straitman]

ummm straitman,
You do know that posts on this thread are supposed to be funny don't you ?:mrgreen:
coz there aint nuthin funny in your last post:!:
Cheers
N'oz

Oops.

Sorry :!:

 

[QF WP]

I agree nigelinoz, it was actually depressing...

 

[anat0l]

I'm with Nigelinoz and Lindsay Wilson here.

I withdrew from the AFF Carbon Tax argument thread for a reason. I didn't need a reason to re-enter it, because someone is going to get hurt.

 

[Nigelinoz]

I know I don't need to post this but I will anyway.
Just wanted to point out that in my post above I am not having a go at Bill (straitman) nor was I making any comment about the carbon tax really,in effect I was just having a little joke at Bill's expense by saying that posts on this thread are meant to be really humourous instead of 'sobering reality'.
I actually did laugh at the joke and was just making an off the cuff comment,certainly not meaning any offense,as for the carbon tax issue,well I have my own views on that subject but I prefer to keep them private rather than engage in debate about them and risk arguing with the friends I have here on AFF.
Now back to the jokes.
Cheers
N'oz

 

[serfty]

I guess the humor can be considered ironical.

 

[QF WP]

I have my own views on that subject but I prefer to keep them private rather than engage in debate about them and risk arguing with the friends I have here on AFF

I'm with you there Nigelinoz. Some things are more easily left untyped



Sent from my iPhone using Aust Freq Fly app

 

[straitman]

I know I don't need to post this but I will anyway.
Just wanted to point out that in my post above I am not having a go at Bill (straitman) nor was I making any comment about the carbon tax really,in effect I was just having a little joke at Bill's expense by saying that posts on this thread are meant to be really humourous instead of 'sobering reality'.
I actually did laugh at the joke and was just making an off the cuff comment,certainly not meaning any offense,as for the carbon tax issue,well I have my own views on that subject but I prefer to keep them private rather than engage in debate about them and risk arguing with the friends I have here on AFF.
Now back to the jokes.
Cheers
N'oz

No offence taken and I understand that non was meant.

Your thoughts mirror my thoughts on this. It is funny but Oh so true and therefore quite sad.

 

[anat0l]

For those that haven't seen the movie The Dish, here's a good reason why:

YouTube - ‪American Anthem‬‏

And for those that have seen it, here's a breath of nostalgic humour for your day.

(The video would be better without the uploader's lame overlaid commentary)

 

[drron]

Walking through Shinjuku station Tokyo and I saw something on special that i have never seen before-

 

[samiam]

Walking through Shinjuku station Tokyo and I saw something on special that i have never seen before-

Those Japanese are so brazen...

.. I won't enquire whether you asked for "one to go, thanks".

 

[drron]

Those Japanese are so brazen...

.. I won't enquire whether you asked for "one to go, thanks".

I took it as a 2 for 1 offer.

 

[straitman]

I was not sure whether to post this on the Ask the Pilot thread or here. I have posted some of these previously but they are worth a look again.

These are funny but Oh so true.

Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

If the wings are travelling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter - and therefore, unsafe.

Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition the Airforce would be just another expensive flying club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:

"Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh S#!+!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II:

When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavour to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.

(Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the cough down.
(Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing. (sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena, Japan).

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot)

Never fly in the same coughpit with someone braver than you.

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
(Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good cough, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time.
(Author unknown, but someone who's been there)

"Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV."
(A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass coughpit' of an A-320).

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

Basic Flying Rules:

Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognised by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.

 

[drron]

The Aer Lingus plane had just taken off from Dublin when the Captain comes on over the PA-"Easter,July the 4th,Bastille day.."
The Co pilot leans across and says-"Paddy I think the word you are looking for is Mayday"

 

[Princess Fiona]

The Aer Lingus plane had just taken off from Dublin when the Captain comes on over the PA-"Easter,July the 4th,Bastille day.."
The Co pilot leans across and says-"Paddy I think the word you are looking for is Mayday"

PMSL !! Even better that it's clean

 

[drron]

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and
is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of
weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps
out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to
death with a spade.
Realizing his employer won’t be best pleased he
disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions
will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp
house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with
coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing
them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he
says to himself, because lions eat anything..
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey
from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts,
he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and
smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to
do and shovels them into the lions’ cage because lions
eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.

He wanders up to another lion and says
“What’s the food like here?”
The lions say: “Absolutely brilliant, today
we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy
Bees

 

[ejb]

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and
is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of
weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps
out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to
death with a spade.
Realizing his employer won’t be best pleased he
disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions
will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp
house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with
coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing
them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he
says to himself, because lions eat anything..
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey
from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts,
he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and
smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to
do and shovels them into the lions’ cage because lions
eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.

He wanders up to another lion and says
“What’s the food like here?”
The lions say: “Absolutely brilliant, today
we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy
Bees

rofl.

Funniest joke ever.

ejb


Sent from my iPhone so please ignore auto corrects!

 

[drron]

[TABLE="class: MsoNormalTable, width: 100%"]
[TR]
[TD="width: 100%"] Australia Post have created and marketed a new stamp displaying a picture of the current Prime Minister of Australia, Ms Gillard.

The Prime Minister had requested a recall of the stamps following concerns that they weren’t sticking. Australia Post recently suspended a recall of the stamps after thefindings of a special Senate Committee were released.

The Prime Minister was told that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes and the enraged Prime Minister demanded a full investigation.


After a month of testing and spending of $1.85 million, a special Senate Committee led by the leader of the Greens, Bob Brown, presented the following findings–

1) The stamp is in perfect order.
2) There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.



[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 100%"]
[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

 

[codash1099]

Hitler and "an Australian airline":

(link picked up from http://www.flightglobal.com/blogs/w...inest-and-how-joyce-may-be-its-only-hope.html)

WARNING: Really NSFW - language. (May also offend some QF management)

YouTube - ‪Third Reich is alive in Australian Aviation‬‏

 

[Ikara]

A leading international airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for spouses who accompanied their husband or wife travelling in business class.
Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters addressed to the spouse of the busines speople who had used the special rates asking, “How they had enjoyed their trip!”.
Replies are still pouring in from the spouse asking, "What trip?"
Airline marketing, please be more careful! You don’t know what you are “playing” with!!

JB