A bit of humour

Boris Yeltsin's aide approaches him and says, "Mister President, two guests are here to see you: the Pope, and the director of the International Monetary Fund. Who shall I show in first?"

Yeltsin thinks for a moment, then says: "Show in the Pope; at least I only have to kiss his ring."
 
Told to me by my Serbian resident demonstrating that he is paying attention in his how to be an Aussie class.
There were 2 beggars in Sydney.One German,one Kiwi.Every evening the German would return to their place with less than $20 in coins but the Kiwi would come back with a bag full of $10 notes.After a couple of weeks the German asks the Kiwi why is it so.
The Kiwi says because your sign is all wrong.The german holds his sign up and says but this is a compelling message-
Wife has left.
Lost house and job.
6 kids to bring up.
The Kiwi replies-no mate Aussies can see straight through that and besides most of them are hoping that they dont have to work and the wife will shoot through.
So the german says let me see your sign.The Kiwi holds it up-
Trying to go home to New Zealand.
$10 short.
 
Next time your boss catches you "goofing off", try this excuse:


Boss: "Why aren't you working?"
Worker: "So as long as you pretend to pay me, I'll pretend to work."
 
The Wife has been missing now for two weeks
The Police said to me today to be prepared for the worst
So I went back to the Salvos and got her clothes back
 
Older Women Are So Reasonable:

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, '44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL. NOW I HAVE A $1,500,000 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.'

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES.
 
Lindsay Wilson said:
Older Women Are So Reasonable:

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, '44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL. NOW I HAVE A $1,500,000 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.'

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES.
Click to expand...
Coming up to 40 years marriage myself this year.Told mrsdrron the joke and said that's true but you would be missing something else as well.:shock:
 
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the Medicare Rebate, a friend from Melbourne decided to have his next test carried out in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle andaccommodating.

As usual he was asked to remove his trousers and underpants. He lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination. "At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection" said the man.

"Not you, me" replied the nurse.
 
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Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms.​

They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly.

* Nike Condoms :::: Just do it
* Toyota Condoms :::: Oh what a feeling
* Ford Condoms :::: The ride of your life
* Optus Condoms :::: Yes!
* Duracell Condoms :::: Keep going & going & going
* Pringles Condoms :::: Once you pop you can't stop
* Hyundai Condoms :::: All day, every day
* Tip Top Condoms :::: Good onya mum(available in Tasmania only)
* Panasonic Condoms :::: Even more than you expected
* VB Condoms :::: As a matter of fact, I've got one now
* Swan Lager Condoms :::: They said you'd never make it
* Vegemite Condoms :::: Puts a rose in every cheek
* Levi Condoms :::: Do you fit the legend?
* Nescafe Condoms :::: It brings you together.

The following brands wouldn't sell so well...

* Goodyear Condoms :::: If it only saves you once a year.
* RTA Condoms :::: Speed kills
* Nobby's Condoms :::: Nibble Nobby's Nuts
* Bolle Condoms :::: Put them on your face
* Aussie Homeloans Condoms :::: We'll save you
 
What really happened when Elton John and David Furnish decided to have a baby.

They had their sperm mixed together and had a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it. When the baby was born Elton and David were waiting at the hospital... they were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of whom were crying and screaming.


Over in the corner, one baby was smiling serenely. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs. "Isn't it wonderful?" Elton said to David. "All these unhappy babies ............ and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"

The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his cough!"
 
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Re: Penny goes to economy

Sorry about that. It worked fine for me yesterday. Take my word for it, it was very funny.

JB
 
Re: Penny goes to economy

Ikara said:
Sorry about that. It worked fine for me yesterday. Take my word for it, it was very funny.

JB
Click to expand...

Aaah...this is the FA who unfortunately has to work in WHY class, isn't it? Surgical mask, rubber gloves and what not?

I thought that video was doing the rounds somewhere; in saying that, I'm sure there are enough forks and copies of it all over the web that you can find it.
 
'Tis the one! I just Googled it and it seems to be blocked on all sites (well the four that I tried anyway!)

JB
 

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