A bit of humour

[codash1099]

A professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home leaked. He called a plumber. The plumber came the next day and sealed a few screws, and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one-third of my monthly salary!" he yelled.

Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him, "I understand your position as a professor. Why don't you come to our company and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you completed only seven elementary classes. They don't like educated people."

So it happened. The professor got a job as a plumber and his life significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.

One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber had to go to evening classes to complete the eighth grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students' knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of a circle. The person asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, and he filled the white board with integrals, differentials, and other advanced formulas to conclude the result he forgot. As a result, he got "minus pi times r square."

He didn't like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was frustrated. He gave the class a frightened look and saw all the plumbers whisper: "Switch the limits of the integral!!"

 

[winetraveller]

I had to laugh. I just went through security at Syracuse airport in New York, and had my toothpaste confiscated. The TSA agent told me that the bottle (I like the liquid stuff in the small bottle) was 4.06oz and the maximum allowable is 4oz. It's almost empty, so it's not a big deal.

I just had a chuckle, but she didn't think it was funny. Oh well.

I've flown with this exact toothpaste a 100 times this year thus far (literally).

 

[NM]

I had to laugh. I just went through security at Syracuse airport in New York, and had my toothpaste confiscated. The TSA agent told me that the bottle (I like the liquid stuff in the small bottle) was 4.06oz and the maximum allowable is 4oz. It's almost empty, so it's not a big deal.

I just had a chuckle, but she didn't think it was funny. Oh well.

I've flown with this exact toothpaste a 100 times this year thus far (literally).

That is just a rediculous situation. Now if the bottle was empty it can be carried in your carry-on without question, so there is no problem with having the >4oz sized container. And you clearly had less than 4oz of liquid in the bottle. Some TSA staff just need a dose of reality - preferably a dose >4oz .

 

[JohnK]

Now if the bottle was empty it can be carried in your carry-on without question, so there is no problem with having the >4oz sized container.

Not quite. I recently came back from my overseas trip with an empty 200ML bottle of champagne and an empty 1L can of Danish beer in my carry on. I was questioned on more than one occassion about these items. I had to open bag and show security that I was not trying to deceive them. Very efficient security, especially at LGA where they confiscated my bottle of beer....

 

[straitman]

Careful guys. This is starting to get OT onto some moderately serious stuff :mrgreen:

 

[winetraveller]

Careful guys. This is starting to get OT onto some moderately serious stuff :mrgreen:

Yea! confiscation of beer for one!

 

[straitman]

Must be time for a joke :!:

If you need a laugh, then read through these Children's Science Exam answers:

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q:??What are steroi_s?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g.:??abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax?contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity?contains?the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

 

[codash1099]

Why Pilots Prefer Airplanes Over Women

* Airplanes usually kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.

* Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.

* Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."

* Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection.

* Airplanes come with a manual to explain their operation.

* Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.

* Airplanes can be flown at any time of the month.

* Airplanes don't come with in-laws.

* Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flow before.

* Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.

* Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.

* Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.

* Airplanes expect to be tied down.

* Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.

 

[codash1099]

And one that, as a Western Australian, I use at every opportunity:

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

"How are we faring?" asks the king.

"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."

"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"

"Oh, no..." says the knight. "Well, you do now."

 

[Ikara]

An oldie but a goldie.

A Yank boarded a Qantas flight in Sydney, Australia, with a box of
uncooked frozen crabs.

A female crew member took the package and promised to put it in the
crew's refrigerator, which she did. The man advised her that he was
holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and
proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Shortly before landing, she announced to the entire cabin, "Would the
gentleman who gave me the crabs in Sydney, please raise your hand?" Not
one hand went up.

So she took the still-frozen crabs home and grilled them on the barby.

 

[codash1099]

At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats
for both herself and her husband.

The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together.

"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a
compact rental car with this man. I *know* what I'm requesting!"

 

[bambbbam2]

Someone sent me this pic of a supposed 'Qantas-Air New Zealand' merger. \

It's a rude picture so not safe for work..

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x306/Deverelady/Qantas-AirNZmerger.jpg

 

[bambbbam2]

Some unfortunately placed avertisements..

15 Unfortunately Placed Ads

Should be safe for work, nothing rude..

 

[stuartfaz]

I'm not sure if/how many times this joke has been told in this forum, but I haven't seen it anywhere, so here we go. It won some comp in the UK a few years back.



The last time I went on holiday, I flew with BA.



It was terrible. He kept shouting: 'You crazy fool. I ain't gettin' on no plane!'

 

[NM]

Microsoft to enter the phone market

Microsoft to enter the phone market. The new oPhone Could be interesting competition for the iPhone.

YouTube - Microsoft oPhone

 

[NM]

And in a similar vain, the Microsoft Surface

YouTube - Microsoft Surface Parody

or the zunePhone:

YouTube - zunePhone ad

 

[drron]

Suffering from the post trip blues i got on the phone yesterday to lifeline.
Transferred to call centre in Lahore.
I'm feeling suicidal i said.
He replied "that's good.Can you drive a truck?"

 

[codash1099]

Probably a bit old,but fits the theme of the site

 

[NM]

Probably a bit old,but fits the theme of the site

At least the response was not "I am an air crash investigator" :shock: .

 

[spiggy_topes]

Just got back from the US...

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything"...