A bit of humour

[drron]

Need I say anything...

View attachment 6202

And Cess was their chief pilot(see post 1635).

 

[Cruiser Elite]

I assume you are allowed to post true stories here also?

OK so you all know how when we traverse the globe staying in countless hotels that we all occasionally lift shampoo / conditioner / soaps etc from hotel rooms - especially when we spot something which we consider attractive / unique / or some feature that just appeals to you - am I on the money here?

So over the years I had souvenired what I thought were some fabulous examples of unique toiletries - Cruiserette agreed mostly and set up a fabulous basket of said toiletries in our spare bathroom - it was probably 18ins across and possibly contained 50 to 80 items - I must admit it really did look and smell good and countless guests enjoyed it and it was continually refreshed / topped up.

So I invite the President of our Chinese trading partners to come visit us in Australia - just for the sake of the excercise lets call him Ye Ming - indeed he stayed in our home and was treated as a member of the family for a week or so.

I delivered him back to MEL and sent him on his way. As I am driving back into city along Tulla Fwy Cruiserette calls me.

Hey - is Ye Ming still with you?

No I put him on plane and I am driving back to city.

He cleaned out the toiletries basket in spare bathroom!

He what?

He emptied that toiletries basket in our spare bathroom - took the whole lot - it is totally empty!

Apparently Ye Ming considered our house was no different to how we all treat the hotels we stay in - he souvenired the whole toiletries basket - cleaned the lot out - dammit we still p*ss ourselves laughing here 5 years after the event.

I guess the only way to look at this is what the Lord giveth - the Lord will taketh away.

 

[awilcockson]

He emptied that toiletries basket in our spare bathroom - took the whole lot - it is totally empty!

The like wasn't enough, I had to quote and add a LOL

 

[QF WP]

Well I've just had an unusual combination...almost ruined a laptop screen spraying it with tea, along with LMAO

Mrs Brown & The Condom: BBC One - Mrs Brown's Boys, Series 2, Mammy Pulls it Off, Mrs Brown and the Condom

Can't stop breaking into a chuckle...

 

[anat0l]

Well I've just had an unusual combination...almost ruined a laptop screen spraying it with tea, along with LMAO

...

Can't stop breaking into a chuckle...

I'd pay very big money to see a montage of Lindsay Wilson destroying laptops and laptop screens via humourous spit takes. :mrgreen:

 

[markis10]

I'd pay very big money to see a montage of Lindsay Wilson destroying laptops and laptop screens via humourous spit takes. :mrgreen:

Not hard to destroy a laptop, just give it to Mal.

 

[JohnM]

Good to see someone else also has a copy of Faceless, LW .

 

[QF WP]

Actually, they were emailed to me from a friend JohnM - after I stopped laughing, it was time to post here fr others to enjoy. I'll have to find out if he has more

 

[JohnM]

Actually, they were emailed to me from a friend JohnM - after I stopped laughing, it was time to post here fr others to enjoy. I'll have to find out if he has more

I have the book. It's priceless. Might be hard to get in Australia but <$20 at bookdepository: Faceless (Faceless) : Bruce Sutherland : 9781770222830.

 

[Major]

The female dentist prepares the needle to give the bloke
with the toothache an anaesthetic injection.
“No way! No needles, I hate needles!” the guy said.
So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas
and the man objects again. “I can't do the gas thing either.
The thought of having the gas mask on my face makes me faint!”
She then asks the guy if he has any objection to taking a pill.
“No objection,” the patient says. “'I'm fine with pills.”
When she returns she says, “Here's a cough and a glass of water.”
The guy says, “Wow! I didn't know cough worked as a pain killer!”
“It doesn't” she said, "But it’ll give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth out."

 

[QF WP]

Hopefully he will run for Prime Minister. He appears to have what current politicians lack...

 

[Major]

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.

This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion..

The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied. Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping..

Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear...............................................................................
"No, I'm Norwegian.

 

[oz_mark]

random text.

 

[Major]

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.

Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite
cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Scotland.

It was absolutely wonderful,
it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows,
so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but
whenever the bull tried to mount the cow,
the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried,
the cow would move away from the bull,
and he was never able to do the deed..

The people were very upset and decided to go to
the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and
ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.

If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this
before asking,

"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned
that they had brought the cow over from Scotland.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow from Scotland?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:

"My wife is from Scotland"

 

[markis10]

Current QF share price according to ASX or is it a future fleet projection:

 

[Cruiser Elite]

Need help naming my new dog - suggestions please?



Hope I am not re-posting as this has been sitting on desktop for a coupla weeks - surprised if soneone else has not posted - will delete if has been posted previously

 

[anat0l]

Need help naming my new dog - suggestions please?

Richard?

 

[QF WP]

I got that one in the last couple of days, but decided not to post - in hindsight, so you could

 

[QF WP]

Steve Jobs in Heaven:

 

[Major]

A teacher at West Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack,
a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-coughd teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."