A bit of humour

Ikara said:
Damn - second apology in 5 posts. Not my day is it? I'm suitably chastised for not doing my homework before I posted. Mea culpa, mea culpa.

Keep smiling and keep taking the pills.

JB
Click to expand...

Stupidity is a form of humour that appeals to people.

For some, this is fine; for others (like me), an overdose is not good.

So I do apologise for the scathing comments. They were not directed at you, but just to vent my opinion. Mea culpa might not be appropriate - Caveat emptor might be....
 
With 600+ posts in this thread and countless other attempts at humour in some others, it is inevitable that there will be some repeats. Even I have come close to making an error, something I have never done before.

No, wait, that's wrong. I was forgetting the time I thought I had made a mistake but it turned out that I hadn't.:mrgreen:
 
Knowing me, this is probably poor taste for some... But that's what makes it funny. I heard this off a mate the other day:

Q: "What has 9 arms and sucks?"

A: "Def Leppard"

:shock::shock::shock::shock::shock:
 
I found this xkcd comic hilarious (with a large caveat) - be warned, you must have a science-related background to sort of understand it. Moreover, the comic is rather sexist and insensitive (especially to women), so please proceed with some caution....

xkcd - A Webcomic - Period
 
Bedside Manners



Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.
"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"
"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.
"I think you're bad luck."
 
Why Pilots Prefer Airplanes Over Women

* Airplanes usually kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.

* Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.

* Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."

* Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection.

* Airplanes come with a manual to explain their operation.

* Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.

* Airplanes can be flown at any time of the month.

* Airplanes don't come with in-laws.

* Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.

* Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.

* Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.

* Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.

* Airplanes expect to be tied down.

* Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
 
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NM said:
What has attacking my premature senility got to do with things?
Click to expand...

I claim ownership of the senility as well as the joke. At least I thought I did when I first started writing this post.

And there's nothing premature about it. It arrived just when it was due.
 
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting.
Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the coughy, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien.
'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his cough over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'
 

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