The totally off-topic thread

[JohnK]

Seriously? I can guarantee you that the woman doesn't always come out "on top". I think you'd also find the courts wouldn't look too favourably on that sort of action.

I don't really care what the courts think.

I don't want to feed solicitors. Nor do I want to feed her new boyfriends.

Hypothetical of course.

 

[Pushka]

The lawyers win when two parties are out to exact retribution on each other. If it is possible to keep things as unemotional as possible then the lawyers don't get the fodder. If it's possible to look on divorce as a means of severing a relationship only and not exacting revenge then that will be the best outcome. Might seem like too many concessions are being made in the beginning but the long term outcome will be better.

 

[JohnK]

Sheesh - some of you guys need to lighten up - her bday not til Nov 28 - plenty time for me buy some really snazzy wrapping paper and a lovely card - I want this to ne a bday gift she will remember forever!

I think that is a great birthday present.

Very thoughtful and practical. Unlike some of the suggestions that you should buy her a rock or piece of metal.

 

[jukebox333]

Thanks for the expressions of support, everyone.

Facebook is just a f'ing evil conduit for deceipt - I had (wrongly) assumed the hours she spent on there each evening was with one of the other Mums from school - to the point I was about to front the woman and tell her that both her marriage and mine would be a hell of a lot better if she spent the time talking to her husband instead of my wife. Little did I know...

I would rather hold off until I get a finalisation on the settlement before I spill the advice I have, but can confirm the idea is for it to be uncontestable in the future.

It's funny - in the hours after I realised I was going to have to ask her to leave, nothing material mattered; my hobbies, the house... I would have given it all up to undo what I knew and have a chance to keep my family together.

(have to say I am surprised no one has suggested I offload my FF points somewhere she can't get them - You guys are slipping!)

Once again - thanks all - I will certainly stop in here from time to time for some respite from the war.

Cheers

Jukebox

She's been with me long enough to have learned going through solicitors is a mugs way of splitting your estate into quarters (you, her and x2 lawyers fees), in fact the main thing she is concerned about is access to the kids (which is ironic, as I've told her when the find out she was having an affair, I know they will never look at her the same way again - hint: I know my relationship with my father never recovered from his middle age misdemeanors)

 

[JohnM]

Well it's been an interesting 10 days for me. My marriage has just become another casualty of an affair on Facebook. Did you know women can have mid-life crisis too?

Learning very quickly about the rather dubiously slanted views of the Family Court on division of assets...

There really must be a special place in hell for men who get involved with married mothers, and are content to see a family unit destroyed for their own pleasure. And possibly for wives/mothers who don't have the courage to speak to their spouses about how they feel... (I had no idea, until I discovered photos that were supposedly taken for me... that had never been sent to me. Which then led me to emails that made it quite clear an inappropriate relationship was well underway).

My hard lesson learned for every other husband out there (no matter how long you have been married - we had been a couple for 19 years):
NEVER assume all is okay with your wife.
Sit down and talk to her.
All the time.

Been there, a good while ago now though, and fortunately the kids were of an age they could make their own choices. You WILL come out the other side - and you may find in time, like me, that it was a blessing in disguise...

It's a cough time going through it but keep looking forward, not in the rear vision mirror. All the best.

 

[Pushka]

It sounds like you and your partner will be able to work things out as best as possible in the circumstances.

Children react unexpectedly in situations like this. They love you both and you both have been their rock. So just anticipate "unanticipated" responses from them and for everyone's "health" it's best if they can maintain a relationship with you both.

It also sounds like from your last post that perhaps you have taken the action to dissolve the marriage and not her once you found out. Her reaction might change once she gets over that shock. As might yours.

Again, try keep your adult hat on, which must just about be impossible under such circumstances.

I think Facebook is evil too. But it's wider than that. Has anyone NOT been in a situation on a forum where a PM suggesting a closer connection might be on the table? (Ahem, not on AFF though.)

 

[Simo]

Well it's been an interesting 10 days for me. My marriage has just become another casualty of an affair on Facebook. Did you know women can have mid-life crisis too?

Learning very quickly about the rather dubiously slanted views of the Family Court on division of assets...

There really must be a special place in hell for men who get involved with married mothers, and are content to see a family unit destroyed for their own pleasure. And possibly for wives/mothers who don't have the courage to speak to their spouses about how they feel... (I had no idea, until I discovered photos that were supposedly taken for me... that had never been sent to me. Which then led me to emails that made it quite clear an inappropriate relationship was well underway).

My hard lesson learned for every other husband out there (no matter how long you have been married - we had been a couple for 19 years):
NEVER assume all is okay with your wife.
Sit down and talk to her.
All the time.

Just remember that you have kids as well.

They should not be dragged into taking sides.

Try and shield the kids as much as you can.

It will all work out in the end and you will be better for it.

 

[blackcat20]

Just remember that you have kids as well.

They should not be dragged into taking sides.

Try and shield the kids as much as you can.

It will all work out in the end and you will be better for it.

Definitely don't try to get the kids to take side; its horrible enough for everyone as it is.

I still have a relationship with both my parents, but one is definitely affected by how things went down, and I don't recommend that.

 

[JohnK]

I think Facebook is evil too. But it's wider than that. Has anyone NOT been in a situation on a forum where a PM suggesting a closer connection might be on the table? (Ahem, not on AFF though.)

Me! Does any website other than dating websites put you in that situation?

I knew Facebook was evil but I did not know that people were using Facebook to begin/continue affairs.

 

[Flashback]

Me! Does any website other than dating websites put you in that situation?

I knew Facebook was evil but I did not know that people were using Facebook to begin/continue affairs.

Let's be honest here. If someone is going to do something.. they are going to do it. FB or not.

 

[Mal]

Let's be honest here. If someone is going to do something.. they are going to do it. FB or not.

FB might add additional ways for someone to find a way to cheat, but yes.. The opportunities are always there. Workplaces are the worst really.

 

[Flashback]

FB might add additional ways for someone to find a way to cheat, but yes.. The opportunities are always there. Workplaces are the worst really.

Mal would know all about that :mrgreen:

 

[blackcat20]

Let's be honest here. If someone is going to do something.. they are going to do it. FB or not.

Facebook just makes it easier. And easier to be caught too.

 

[anat0l]

Let's be honest here. If someone is going to do something.. they are going to do it. FB or not.

I like it how people seem to blame the technology for the issue.

Let's not forget that Shane Warne juggled how many women at a time... and all he had was SMS! Go blow that one out of the water.....

Then, of course, there is also the tried and "true" email. And IRC chat rooms. Heck, people were having affairs over the phone......

What happened to letter writing........

Yes, current technology makes it happen "faster", though remember that "faster" is a relative thing to the current times, and it still doesn't mean implicating the technology at fault in place of the person who committed the sin.

 

[Simo]

Let's be honest here. If someone is going to do something.. they are going to do it. FB or not.

Any time there is contact between people there can be sparks either way.

 

[Flashback]

Wow, it seems I was multi quoted tonight Should I assume from that, that in reality.. if someone wants to cheat, they will cheat? :mrgreen:

 

[Mal]

Mal would know all about that :mrgreen:

What are you implying? I've been attracted to married women before (I am male), but know the lines I should not cross.

Workplaces are a hotbed of romance. Who is seeing who after work would surprise many...

 

[Flashback]

What are you implying? I've been attracted to married women before (I am male), but know the lines I should not cross.

Workplaces are a hotbed of romance. Who is seeing who after work would surprise many...

Oh... I was more thinking about the males you were attracted to

 

[Mal]

Oh... I was more thinking about the males you were attracted to

Oh. Yes the <fe>males I am attracted to...

 

[Flashback]

Oh. Yes the <fe>males I am attracted to...

Sorry, my typo!!