Thanks all, all good. Got a diagnosis we were expecting (ADHD), and at this stage no suggestion that medication is required. We have some baseline data, and can monitor going forward. Am trying to find some OTs and also looking at diet and other behavioural things we can do around the house and our life that will create less yelling and stress for all.
Plenty of parents and families dealing with worse issues out there, and I've been somewhat relieved since late last year when testing at school was indicating ADHD to realise it's not us or her, or both.
Interesting comment from the specialist today about the show on ABC last night, Kids on Speed (have not yet seen it). He said that when you are dealing with a child with these issues, you become dysfunctional yourselves as parents. I can see how that happens and what he means by that (stress affecting you and your reactions to the situation).